haleyfamily

Guangzhou is surprising, and we’ve enjoyed spending the last few days seeing several scenic bits of the city.  We’ve especially enjoyed running into many of the same adoptive families at each of our excursions.  While several agencies are represented, many rely on the same in-country tour companies to guide families through the various appointments and escort folks to a few city sites while we all wait for processing.  We began our Sunday by taking a group picture in the lobby of the hotel.  Folks who follow China adoptions will recognize the now famous “steps’ photo” taken inside the lobby of the hotel where so many adoptive families from China stay.

Our group travelled to the Guangdong Folk Art Museum housed in the Chen Clan Ancestral Hall.  Originally purposed as a temple and later a school, the property holds a number of precious art pieces, including pottery, furniture, clothing, etc.  On property, there is a gentlemen who hand paints Chinese characters on a scroll, and many adoptive families choose to have a relic painted commemorating the adoption.  We have purchased a few things that we plan to give Ben as he gets older to capture part of his story, and this was a unique gift that we elected to get for him.  The scroll has his Chinese name, American name, and the date and location that his adoption was finalized in his home province, all written in Chinese (the picture below is Ben’s scroll with his Chinese name, Han Xin Yu).  We also decided to purchase a family stamp that includes our last name written in English and Chinese.  We thought this was a fun way to honor Ben’s heritage as it blends with our very American family.  Since precious ceramic artifacts and two-year-olds don’t mix well for long, we strolled around the gardens and enjoyed the scenery to pass the time.  Ben demonstrated tons of independence, and boyishly ran across the uneven pavement, falling often, but always getting back up.

That night we took a stroll through a nearby park looking for a restaurant that our guide recommended.  Realizing that we were on the wrong side of the street (crossing is complicated since you can only do so through complex underground subway tunnels) with Ben quickly becoming “hangry,” we ducked into the nearest restaurant in the park, advertised as a “Western Restaurant.”  We laughed a bit through dinner at the eclectic representation of Westernisms.   In front of the restaurant, there was a Belgian Beer sign, Italian statue, Mickey/Minnie Mouse and a lobby decorated with a wedding dress and Christmas ornaments…with Hawaiian music playing.  We sat outside with a view of a lake and enjoyed a decent meal with cocktails for about $15.  The sign above the fridge reads “Open, Fresh and Mysterious.”  That’s about right.   On the way home, we past some beautiful scenery, and Ben introduced us to a new game.  As he toddles freely about, we sometimes find a need to hold his little hand to try and reign him in.  He’s taken to clasping his hands together so as not to hold our hand so that he can freely rage as any strong-minded 2 year old should.  You’d be amazed at how fast those little legs can move!

It makes us so happy to see Ben become more and more comfortable each day, waking each morning with a smile on his face and ready to take on the adventures of the day and smiling and laughing so readily.  It’s hard to believe that it was only a week ago that we had to work so hard for our very first one!  At this point, we can say he’s a pretty predictable, very normal 2 year old…with all the fun, frustration, and activity that entails!

On Monday, our morning was free, and we slept in and went down for a leisurely breakfast.  Ben eats Chinese food really well, American food, not so much.  The only real “American” items that we can offer him are pretty much on the breakfast buffet, and we are mainly having to eat Chinese the rest of the time (since we prefer not to eat McDonalds and Papa Johns more than necessary).  Ben’s been open to some things, and down right refusing others.  Dealing with orphan eating habits is a challenge, as Ben was brought to us in a small, semi-malnourished state.  He hoards food, and always wants to have a piece of food with him as security.  When we feed him, he will overeat if we don’t help meter his intake (he has been eating more than us!).  We can’t allow him to feed himself, because he will shove food into his mouth until he can no longer chew. Hoarding, overeating, and food insecurities are common.  Even with familiar Chinese foods, we are providing him foods with more taste, fat, and protein than he is used to.   His little GI track is already going through obvious adaption… and Don has started a new routine of choking and gagging during diaper changes, as Ben giggles!  It’s pretty hilarious to watch 😉

We’re making steady progress.  To get him to slow down his eating, we get him to open his mouth and say “Ahh” to show an empty mouth before we give him more, so he doesn’t stuff his mouth too full.  He’s done a great job with new fruits, veggies, and proteins.  We’ve had some successes with new food types, and some failures.  Right now we are focusing on good nutrition, metered intake, and creating a sense of security with food.

We’ve had some of our first times of him lashing out at the breakfast table, with Ben glaring at us in frustration and a couple times trying to hit our hands away.  Nothing dramatic really, just a standard 2 year old temper tantrum.  We give him a stern “no” and the little look we get back is too priceless not to include!

After breakfast, we made a Face Time call back home to the kids.  Don’s mom and sister, Melanie, took the reigns from Julie’s mom and Don’s dad.  It was one of the first opportunities we’ve had in which Ben was active and awake and all the kids were available to interact.  It was a great phone call and the kids laughed watching Ben charge around full speed ahead…they’ve already started calling him the “little emperor” to pair perfectly with his buddy Simon, “the little sultan.”   Afterwards, we enjoyed a stroll from the hotel to nearby Yuexiu park.  The park is remarkable, sprawling, clean, and sub-tropical.  It really is beautiful.  The Chinese do enjoy being active, and it was interesting watching 60 year-olds playing a version of hacky sack, couples playing badminton, old men drawing Chinese characters on the sidewalks with huge brushes and water, folks doing yoga, and so much more.  We ran into one of the families from our group and we walked back to the hotel together in time for naps.

On Monday afternoon, we went with our group on a planned excursion to Shamian Island. The small, manmade island was divided into two concessions given to France and the United Kingdom in the 19th century. The island is a historical area that is blocked off to primarily pedestrian traffic and is full of beautiful European architecture, trees, and pathways.  The island was formerly home to the US consulate and nearby hotels used to commonly house adoptive families due to the convenience to the consulate and the attractive location.  We stopped at a souvenir shop and took a stroll across the island with our tour group, taking another very popular “adoption photo” with a well known statue of children in a line.  It was a fun and beautiful afternoon.

Tuesday was our Visa appointment at the US Consulate in Guangzhou.  This appointment is a significant milestone, and is, in fact, the one appointment that the rest of the trip is built around.  We took an oath and submitted the required medical physical paperwork and other adoption paperwork that will allow us to get Ben a US Visa in his Chinese passport.  The immigration paperwork we carry will allow Ben to become a US citizen at our first port of entry into the US, which will as we pass through immigration in Detroit on our way home.

Interestingly, over one third of American international adoptions come from China.  The consulate in Guangzhou processes all immigrant visas for Chinese citizens, making the consulate the Department of State’s busiest adoption unit.  The consulate issued over 2000 visas last year, and over 95% of the adoptions were children considered to have some type of special need.

With those facts in mind, you can understand that the consulate was incredibly busy.  There were about 15 adoptive families all with special needs children waiting in a relatively small room.  With all of the commotion, Ben was happy to just stay in our arms until we were complete with the appointment.  As we weren’t allowed to bring anything with us to the consulate, we have no pictures, but imagine a really nice office building in the middle of the newer financial district with long lines of Chinese people awaiting visas, and a small room full of American adoptive families with the kiddos all pretty much stir crazy.

The afternoon was some much-needed down time to let Ben burn off some energy.  He is so playful and engaging…he loves playing hide and go seek with us and has now picked up “fist bump” as well…I think we’re about ready to introduce him to American culture 😉

That night, we signed up for a dinner cruise along the Pearl River, which flows through the middle of Guangzhou.  This is a particularly good time of year to enjoy the cruise, as the “International Festival of Lights” has portions of downtown and all 7 bridges crossing the river brilliantly lit up.  On the way to the cruise, Jen’s newly adopted daughter, Bella (14), got really carsick.  We volunteered to watch her son, another Benjamin, so that she could go back to the hotel room with Bella.  Bella is happy to have a mom and dad, but is struggling emotionally and physically with the adjustment period.  Jen, and many others we see around the hotel, are hitting the “get home itis” stage of the trip.  We are definitely feeling ready to get home as well, but we have been blessed with a comparatively easy transition period.  Many folks we have met are walking through a rough patch at this stage, especially those with older children and special needs.  Getting home to the US and getting into a routine is what everyone is craving at this point.

Despite some heavy hearts being shared throughout the evening, the trip down the river was really beautiful and a fantastic way to see the city from a new perspective.  We skipped the Chinese buffet (which we were warned was not very good), and our guide ordered us Papa John’s instead.  Cold pizza never tasted so good…even Ben enjoyed it!!  We also had a fun run-in with the same family that we met in the Beijing airport on the way here, coming from Charlotte, NC.  Sharing stories, struggles, and joys with this family and others on the boat was therapeutic.

And back to the hotel for bathtime and bedtime, which has become a thoroughly enjoyable process.  Ben loves the bath and also opens his mouth wide for us to brush his teeth and then tries to finish the job for us when we’re done…definitely some major victories there!

 

On Wednesday, we spent most of the morning packing and preparing for our journey home tomorrow!  We took a short break in the afternoon for a last walk in the park, enjoying the end of our simple days consisting mainly of eating, touring, and playing with Ben.  We also taught Ben a cool new trick today…how to eat goldfish one at a time, rather than a handful at a time!  If you saw how this kid could pack a whole box of Cheerios in his cheeks, you’d realize what a huge victory this is!  After some coaching, he now shows us one little finger before taking a goldfish and then chews it while pointing to his cheek (which is what we do to communicate to him that he needs to eat what’s in his mouth before we’ll give him more).  Though we captured most of it on camera, it’s hard to express how incredibly adorable this is in person as he tries to mimic each word and action in his most exaggerated fashion!  It’s also quite handy that we can now put a several snacks on his tray and know that he can eat them in a safe and controlled manner.

We headed back to the hotel in time to meet Helen and collect Ben’s visa as well as all the paperwork we’ll need to clear customs tomorrow.  So it’s official…we’re travel-ready and all clear to bring this little guy home!!  We are so excited to finally get back to the kids, squadron, and real life, though we’re not necessarily looking forward to the 23 hours of travel it will take to get us there…Prayers definitely appreciated!   Looking forward to updating everyone from the other side of the pond!   Many thanks to Gigi, Granddad, Grammy, and Aunt Mel for taking such amazing care of our babies at home while we’re away and to the Olsons, Scheidemans, Leibbrandts, Flippins, and Satterfields for helping to love and spoil them these last couple weeks.  As always, your love and support means the world to us!

To all who have followed, supported, and prayed, thank you.  God’s work has been so clearly and sovereignly present, and He has often chosen to work through so many of our family and friends. Thank you for sharing in our adventure these last 2 years, and especially these last 2 weeks.  While we don’t plan to keep up regular updates, we will send out an update on Ben’s transition home when we can find the right time and space.

Tomorrow is the end of a two-year long journey.  Tomorrow, the vision God gave us for our family will be complete.  Tomorrow, Han Xin Yu will officially be given a new name…”Benjamin.”  Tomorrow, Ben becomes an American citizen.  Tomorrow, for the first time, he will be home with his forever family.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Day 7 started out much the same as our previous days in Xi’an, though we knew it would be the last day of this particular routine before rocking Ben’s little world with his first plane ride and a complete change from what he had come to know as “normal” the last several days..  After waking early and taking turns working on the blog and working out, we accomplished quite a lot before the little man woke for the day.  We headed to breakfast and talked to the kids on FaceTime as they got ready for bed, and it was good to see them all in good spirits and doing well.  They absolutely love seeing their little brother in action, and we hope that their brief interactions will build a little familiarity for Ben before arriving home to his boisterous welcoming committee!

Ben seemed a little more particular at breakfast then usual and didn’t seem interested in trying much besides noodles, toast, and cheerios (turning his head away as we offered other things in very normal “toddler” fashion).  This kiddo sure loves his carbs, and we’re happy to let him eat whatever makes him comfortable for now…though we are seeing that it may take some work once we get home to help him expand his little palate.  But he was cute, engaging, and affectionate as ever, hiding his cheerios and giving us his adorable “where did it go?” expression, and then leaning in as we tickled under his chin and rubbed his head.  We’ve noticed that he really enjoys this kind of silly play and seems to crave affectionate touch…another sign that he’s definitely a Haley kiddo!

After breakfast, we went on our usual excursion through the hotel, with Ben happy to lead the charge!  It made us smile to see his confidence building as he toddled about the lobby, venturing to new places and taking on the challenge of stairs, while charming all around him.  He definitely has an independent streak and shows little fear as his tiny legs take him as fast as he can go…looking back occasionally to giggle at us. It was a leisurely start to the morning, but now it was time to head back to the room and get packed for our day.

Packing was a bit of a challenge, as we had made ourselves quite comfortable in our little hotel room and had also been told just the day prior that we would have a 60kg combined luggage weight limit on the flight to Guangzhou.  Thanks to our military weight waiver on all flights to and from the States, we had not shown much restraint in our initial packing process.  Ben was amazing and played independently around the room while we shuffled things around and loaded up.  We couldn’t help but pause every now and then to join him in his play zone and take some photos of how sweetly he was entertaining himself.  We had arranged for a late check-out and knew that naptime was going to be essential, given the long night ahead.  But we had underestimated the situation and Ben’s discernment on what was going on. He is so smart and perceptive…he knew that something was up and fought naptime for a full hour before giving in (definitely a first).  Thankfully, we were able to talk the front desk into giving us an additional 30 minutes so that Ben could get a full hour of rest, but he was noticeably anxious even after his naptime.  We grabbed a quick lunch at the hotel and then headed to the airport with crossed fingers and prayers for a smooth journey ahead.

Once we had checked our luggage (with no additional fees thanks to Don’s expert re-packing initiative!), we said goodbye to Sherry and our driver and gave them gifts of appreciation for taking such good care of us during our time in Xi’an.  Ben seemed to settle once he realized we weren’t going anywhere without him and decided he was ready to take on the airport, no problem.  It amazed us that he was not more intimidated by his surroundings, but he charged on full speed ahead and only fussed when we discouraged him from walking on the moving walkway 😉  We found a little Hello Kitty play area to burn off some energy before our flight…we absolutely love that Asian airports tend to have these little areas for children, as they are a lifesaver for parents.

Once we boarded the airplane, Ben sat cooperatively in his seat and enjoyed fastening his safety buckle securely on his lap, several times.  As the engines roared for take-off, Ben looked at us and we looked at each other wondering how this was going to go.  But after smiling reassuring at him, he continued dropping cheerios into an empty water bottle as before without a care in the world.  The flight went amazingly well, and Ben found endless entertainment in the simplest of things, including the overhead lights, the cups served during the drink service, and peekaboo with the sickness bags ;). Such an amazing little boy!!  Two hours passed quickly and we soon found ourselves in Guangzhou with our new tour guide, Gloria.  By the time we made it to the hotel (almost midnight our time) Ben was exhausted and showing his age in full force.  He insisted on walking on his own like a little drunken sailor and proceeded to walk into a glass door and then fall at the reception desk, scraping his temple.  The poor little guys was pretty much done from there, and we got him up to the room as quickly as possible, where we waited for the staff to deliver the crib we had been asking about since our arrival.  After giving him a bottle and cradling him like an infant (which we have found to be the most effective soothing technique for him so far), he went straight to sleep.

Saturday (Day 8) started early as we had medical appointments for the kids and needed to meet in the lobby by 8:30AM.  We headed down for breakfast and couldn’t help but be impressed and slightly overwhelmed as staff waited to greet and direct us at every corner to the dining room.  Once there, we were guided through an enormous breakfast buffet to a private room, where we met the rest of our group.  There was a table and high chair waiting just for us, with special plate and utensils for Ben. At this point, we got to meet the rest of the group from our agency, who we had missed touring with in Beijing over Thanksgiving and who had been adopting children in other provinces while we were in Xi’an.  There were 3 additional families…Seth & Amy (with 3-year old Lily), Zach & Holly (with 18-month old Lydia), and Kevin & Jonna (with 2-year old Claire and 2 biological children with them, Drew & Kate).  Interestingly, we are the only family from our agency adopting a little boy on this trip.  We liked the new families immensely and are excited to get to know them over the next several days.

We had a quick breakfast (where Ben ate little besides toast and yogurt despite the incredible variety available), and then headed downstairs to meet our new tour guide, “Helen.”

Helen is quite a character!  She’s an older Chinese lady who has been in the “tour guide” business for over 30 years.  She’s no-nonsense and very vocal; her approach can be somewhat humorous.  On our way to our medical appointment she said something to the effect of, “We get to hospital and you follow Helen.  My name is not really Helen, but call me Helen because you cannot say my name.  You go to fifth floor and you do what Helen say.  No negotiate.  You say you want to be with baby for “bloody” test (this is the TB test), and hospital says you cannot.  You are not first family to adopt, and you are no special, so you wait outside.”  You get the picture.

The hospital was clean and modern, but the appointment was obviously a formality, providing virtually no insight into Ben’s medical condition. The primary purpose appears to get a reading on the presence of tuberculosis ahead of getting a US visa.  Ben was a little timid as we got to the hospital and became very upset at the first 2 of the 5 “stations” we had to visit.  He settled as the appointments went on, and by the time he went in for his last TB test (the last appointment because it is painful) he was a total champ and didn’t even cry!  While at the hospital, we found ourselves running into a number of other adoptive families using other agencies.  Many of the same families are staying at our hotel, which has made this part of the process really fun, feeling a bit more like a social stop with a few obligatory appointments. With Helen’s direction, we were in and out of the medical center relatively quickly.

After the hotel, we made a quick shopping trip to a Chinese Wal-Mart.  It was familiar, yet different.  Rotisserie chickens hung from the ceilings with tanks of live fish, but there was a familiar organization, floor plan, and range of products.  We stocked up on diapers, got a few new toys and some grocery items for the week…Ben was a total shopping champ!

We headed back to the hotel for a much needed rest time.  With our late flight and early medical appointment, it was a short night for us all.  Helen used the bus ride to share a little about Guangzhou.  The city lies just north of Hong Kong (a city that is perhaps more familiar to the western world) and is the third largest city in China (after Beijing and Shanghai).  Guangzhou is one of largest urban areas in the world, with the city proper being home to over 14 million and the surrounding urban areas housing over 44 million (not including nearby Hong Kong).  Guangzhou is the economic and cultural capital of Southern China and a large portion of the population speaks Cantonese as opposed to mainland Mandarin. While written Chinese is virtually the same, the spoken languages and dialects can be quite different and the Mandarin phrases we were finally learning now need to be completely relearned.  After visiting both Beijing and Xi’an, we noticed the immediate cultural differences just from walking around.  Guangzhou is more international and more “western.”  Helen explained that, culturally, Southern Chinese traditionally say that the emperor “cannot see us for the mountains.”  The end result is that Guangzhou is more “comfortable” to the westerner.  We can walk down the streets and not get the kind of stares we received in Xi’an, as we aren’t the only Caucasians to be found.  We get fewer stares with Ben, as it appears that folks around our hotel are used to seeing adoptive families awaiting visas.

 

After a good nap time, we walked around the hotel.  It is a Marriot property, and is quite extensive with restaurants, shopping, playground areas, and even a Starbucks downstairs.  Since it was so late, we stayed in the hotel for dinner, enjoying a more “American” style meal with Ben to begin transitioning him from solely Chinese cuisine.  He continues to be a bit of a picky eater, which our friend, Jen, (in our adoption group) claims from her research is a good indicator of bonding/attachment.  We’ll take her word for it, but we still intend to work on expanding his little diet as soon as we get home, once we’re past the “survival” phase.  He did try couple bites of cheeseburger and creamed spinach, which was encouraging and of course went to town on our French fries, which he also hid in his bib for a couple good games of “hide and seek” 😉

Bedtime/bathtime routine went pretty well, with Ben still finding some enjoyment in bathtime with less fussing with teeth brushing and going to sleep.  After talking with some other adoptive families today, we’re feeling increasingly encouraged about Ben’s adjustment and especially his naptime/bedtime routines.  Steady progress!

On Sunday, we will take a short tour of a local art museum and take a group photo with our adoption group.  Monday, we will go on a short shopping adventure and we should get the TB results back (prayers here, as positive results could delay us!).  Tuesday is our visa appointment, where we complete the last step in being able to travel home.  Wednesday is a built in buffer day for visa/health issues.  We’ll use that day to pack and prepare.  We depart Guangzhou for home on Thursday.  Definitely a countdown at this point to getting this little guy home to meet the rest of the family!

 

 

 

 

 

The last couple of days here in Xi’an have been fantastic, low-key days of bonding and spending time together, mainly around the hotel with a couple outings each day.  We are going to try to sum up both days together, since we leave for Guangzhou this evening and are anticipating the start of a whole new chapter in our adventure by the time we reach tomorrow.

Day 5 started much the same as every other day thus far, with Don and I waking early (as the ambien wears off around 400 a.m.) and working/exercising until Ben wakes up.  We’ve noticed that Ben is usually a little timid first thing in the morning and needs some time to wake up before he’s ready to engage (not unlike his Mama).  We dressed leisurely and headed down to breakfast, happy to finally have a day off from any scheduled events.  Ben came to life at breakfast and seemed to enjoy letting us know his dietary preferences of the day (which do seem to change at whim 😉  We worked more on Ben’s signing, and he continues to amaze with how quickly he picks things up…he really is a sharp little one!

After breakfast, we decided to go on a field trip to Starbuck’s with Mary Elizabeth and Katie Joy and let Ben experience his first stroller outing.  We weren’t quite sure if he had ever been in a stroller or how he was going to respond, but he loved it immediately!  We bundled him up and strapped him in, and he sat back and just took everything in (very much unlike our other kiddos, who never liked to be confined for long).  It’s always a bit of sensory overload walking around Asian cities, with more sights, sounds, and smells than you can possibly process at once.  We also got plenty of stares as we were clearly the only Americans in sight along with our little Chinese children.  We carry cards that explain in Chinese why we are here in case anyone inquires, but thankfully, we just got a lot of confused glares and tried to smile back politely.  Starbuck’s didn’t disappoint, and the walk there was enough adventure for one morning.  We headed back to the hotel for naptime.

Ben took an almost 3-hour nap while we cleaned up, rested, and got some things done, and after some play time in the room, we decided to venture out again for dinner.  Don found a great place that was highly rated on TripAdvisor as well as a children’s park nearby, and we set off to find them.  We quickly discovered that our route took us down many side roads, most of which had very narrow or no sidewalks at all, so we found ourselves playing chicken with oncoming traffic and a stroller along with hundreds of other pedestrians and motorbikes who were not the least bit phased.  Rookie mistake…next time we venture off the beaten path, we’ll take the front pack.  The air quality has also been particularly bad the last couple days (which we have started to notice in the late afternoon as our heads start to ache and our eyes/throats burn a bit), so after our sporty little journey, we were feeling ready enough to stop, eat, and take a break from the “not so fresh” air.

The restaurant owner was incredibly kind and spoke fantastic English.  He was very curious about Ben and touched by our story, so he continued to bring Ben things throughout the meal, including a little stuffed bear that he had gotten with his 4-year old son the week prior.  He also brought warm water and reminded us that Chinese babies like warm drinks and that we might want to take off his fleece layer, as he might be hot indoors 😉  We had to smile at how opinionated Asian folks tend to be about other people’s children and remembered the same thing in Seoul when we would get yelled at by little Korean ladies who didn’t think we had bundled Madeleine up enough.  We’ve found it’s just easier to smile and concede than argue.

We had a great meal and started our journey home for bath time (which was a little less painful than the previous days!) and bedtime.  Another amazingly successful day with our little Ben-man!

By Day 6, we are definitely hitting a rhythm.  Our long delay in Xi’an is primarily to await processing of key paperwork, including Ben’s birth certificate, certificate of abandonment, and Chinese passport.  Our multiple appointments in the first few days included meeting with the notary, taking passport pictures, and submitting the required paperwork.   Yesterday we received the birth certificate and certificate of abandonment.  Tomorrow we should receive Ben’s Chinese passport just prior to leaving for Guangzhou.  While in Guangzhou, we will apply for a US Visa, and once that processing is complete, we can travel home…Ben will become a US citizen upon touching US soil.  The process, while tedious, is straight-forward and impressively efficient.  We’ve recognized  that having these few low-key days have been an absolute blessing and necessity for bonding and attachment.  The idea of a late flight tonight (we leave at 3:30 p.m. from our hotel in Xi’an and arrive at our hotel in Guangzhou around 12:00 a.m.) is daunting, but seemed undoable just days ago.

Ben slept quite late into the morning (almost 9AM!).  We made it down to the hotel breakfast just in time before closing.  With every wake up, he becomes visibly more comfortable around us, and the morning begins with him quietly stirring and reaching his arms out to us.

While we were at breakfast, we did a FaceTime call back home with the kids.  This was not our first call home, but it was the first when Ben was awake and alert, and Mackenzie, Josh, and Maddie all got a kick out of interacting with their baby brother.

After breakfast, we did a lot of walking around the hotel.  Ben is really cute as he toddles about, swaying from side to side like a drunken sailor.  We’ve started holding his hand while he walks, which he seems to appreciate.  He’s been asking to be put down more and his little independent streak is becoming more evident as he becomes more comfortable.  After sweetly holding our hands and toddling about for 10-15 minutes, he went on a bit of a rampage, running all around and throughout the hotel lobby.  He ran up to a couple of Chinese folks and they picked him up and cuddled him.  We held our breath, knowing how in previous days he showed a preference for Chinese people, seemingly confused by our “unusual” appearance.  However, he didn’t protest when they put him down and just kept right on running around, seemingly unphased.  We breathed a sigh of relief.

After changing and regrouping, we decided to take another outing to see the Bell Tower in the center of Xi’an (a popular landmark of the city).  Ben got really excited when he saw the stroller, and even started murmuring “go-go” and parroted the word “stroller.”  The Bell Tower was constructed in 1384 during the Ming dynasty and hosts a bell cast in 711 during the Tang dynasty.  It is one of the best-preserved towers of its type in China.  The city of Xi’an was an ancient capital of China, one of the oldest, and is at the beginning of the historic Silk Road.  From our time here, we’ve surmised that Xi’an is a popular domestic tourist destination for it’s historic sites, though we’ve seen very few other international visitors as we’ve visited these sites.  Along the way, we stopped into Starbucks and grabbed McDonald’s chicken nuggets for Ben, laughing that he will eat McDonald’s in China more than he will in America.

After rest time and a little play time in the room (where Ben continued to show us his organizational prowess), our tour guide Sherry took us with Mary Elizabeth and her new daughter, Katie Joy, to visit the Xi’an wall.

Like the Bell Tower, the wall was constructed during the 14th century and is one of the best preserved/last remaining city walls in China.  It is 8.7 miles long, and impressive 40ft high, and encompasses an area of 14 square miles.   The modern business district of Xi’an lies within it’s borders, and the wall has modern passageways to allow the roads to pass through.  Our hotel lies within the borders of the wall, and we drive through the wall on nearly every excursion.

 

For dinner, we ventured out to a local Chinese restaurant with Mary Elizabeth and Katie Joy.  It was delicious and surprisingly inexpensive, with enormous portions…Ben enjoyed pork dumplings, kung pao chicken, and seemed to especially love green beans.  We went back to the hotel for our nighttime routine, and last night we had a huge success…Ben actually seemed to enjoy his bath time!  We put some toys in the tub, and he played happily until we took him out for his bottle and bedtime.  We captured a pretty cute picture of this fun but significant milestone as Ben becomes more comfortable and trusting every day.

As we are travelling to Guangzhou tonight, it may take us a couple of days to get the next update.  Until then, we are so thankful for all of your thoughts, comments, support, and prayers!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ben had another great night, and slept well!  We are very aware when he wakes up by the change in his breathing and the noise of him sitting up, but he will wait quietly in his crib until we walk over to him, and then he lifts his arms for us to pick him up.  It’s so sweet and endearing, but also makes us sad as we wonder how long he might have sat in his crib to be lifted and loved to this point.  We noticed right away that he had a poopy diaper (which we were told can take 4 days or longer with adopted babies), so that was an encouraging way to start the day!  We dressed and packed up early, since we were meeting our group right after breakfast for a sightseeing tour of the Terracotta Soldiers Site and Museum.

First of all, (Julie writing today) I have to take a girlie moment to comment on how adorable this kiddo looks in absolutely everything we put on him…it seriously feels like dressing a little china doll!  We went down to breakfast and starting loading Ben’s plate up with an assortment of things he enjoyed yesterday as well as some new culinary adventures.  We thought he might enjoy some Cheerio-type cereal, so we put a handful on his tray while we were gathering things from the buffet.  We quickly learned that this was not a good idea as we watched him pack every single cheerio into his mouth in record time until it was so full that he couldn’t even close it!  As we started unpacking his little mouth of cheerios, we made a mental note to only feed him one bite at a time until he learns that the food will not disappear from his tray until he is finished and there will be more than enough, bless his heart!  And of course, we left for the day with Ben clutching his (slightly smaller) piece of comfort toast.

After breakfast, we loaded up the van and headed over to the Terracotta Museum/factory, which was essentially a government site that all adopted families are taken to and encouraged to buy things that are marked up about 4 times their value.  But it’s also the only site where we could buy genuine terracotta statues, so we purchased one to give to Ben at a later birthday.  I’m afraid the rest of the family will have to settle for more reasonably priced souvenirs 😉  While we were there, one of the salesladies was particularly interested in Ben and kept coming over to talk to him.  The first time, we had just gotten out of the van, she reached to hold him, and Ben willingly went to her (as he does to most any Chinese person).  Chinese people love babies so much and we know that she only meant well, but it made it very confusing for Ben as he was passed back, and I made sure to put him in the front pack right away to keep any other well-meaning ladies from trying to hold this precious little boy while we’re trying to teach him who his Mama and Papa are. I walked through the rest of the store at a distance and just cuddled and spoke love over him, praying that he would quickly understand who we are to him and what it means to have a Mama and Papa who will always be there to love and care for him.

 

We moved on to the excavation point of the Terracotta Soldiers, which was incredibly interesting and a remarkable site. Essentially, the first Emperor of China, Qin Shi Huang, had built a secret army to take with him to the after-life after his dynasty. For 40 years, over 70,000 workers crafted an army of more than 8,000 soldiers, horses, and chariots, each statue produced with uniquely detailed features. The slaves who worked on it were all buried alive and there was no record of it until a farmer accidentally discovered it in 1974.  Chinese historians believe that later dynasties may have been  performed extensive damage to the site as power changed hands. They are still working on putting the soldiers back together, each with remarkable handiwork.

Though it was an impressive tourist site, it was also a long outing with lots of walking and not much opportunity for the kids to get down or play.  I carried Ben through the whole tour and then felt him getting squirmy and uncomfortable, right around his naptime.  As he proceeded to get increasingly upset, we decided to take a break at the second pit of soldiers and just tend to Ben.  Don took a turn walking with him and cradling him like a baby, and then we sat and gave him a bottle until he eventually calmed and fell asleep in Don’s arms.  The walk back was long, but Don was determined to carry him as long as he could, not wanting to wake him.

We made it back to the market area and needed to get some lunch.  It was a very westernized spot with a Starbuck’s, McDonalds, and Subway, and the group decided on McDonalds, since Jen’s son had never had a Happy Meal, having grown up primarily  in Saudi Arabia. Though not our first choice of lunch spots, we joined the group and enjoyed letting Ben have some time to walk around.  And it turns out, this kiddo is obsessed with French fries!  Similar to the cheerios, we had to be careful to give him one at a time, but he polished off more French fries than most grown men!  He then started to go after my burger, and I let him have as much as he wanted. We all laughed as he packed his cheeks full of every American kids’ most favorite food and found it encouraging that perhaps the switch to more American cuisine won’t be such a slow process after all =)

Next, we made the obligatory stop at Starbuck’s, and Ben was in rare form.  He walked all around trying to talk to every person in the restaurant, and our guide Sherry had to ask several people in Chinese to please not pick him up (though I’m telling you, it’s so hard not to when he looks at you with those engaging brown eyes!).  But he was happy as can be, and after some yummy coffee, a diaper change, and the purchase of a mug from Ben’s province, we headed back to the van.  The ride home was probably some of the most precious interactive times we’ve had with Ben.  He discovered the silliness of the Papa!  Don has slowly been trying to engage Ben in silly play (his forte), and would pretend to take a bite of Ben’s food or make silly faces, and Ben always watched closely.  While we were taking a photo in the van, Ben took the initiative and made an open silly face at Don, starting a chain reaction that ended in our very first smile and laugh!  A huge victory to not only get that sweet smile but to catch it on camera!

Thanks to his couple cat naps, this kiddo had ZERO interest in napping when we got hack to the room.  It’s the first time he’s cried when we’ve put him into his crib, and as he reached out to us, there was no question that naptime was over!  Since he really showed no signs of being tired, we took the opportunity to sit and play with him on the floor and enjoy some precious bonding time.  We can’t get over how smart and engaging Ben is!  He loves to sort and then meticulously puts each individual toy in a Ziploc bag…I’m pretty sure this has something to do with order and ownership.  He will occasionally try to hide a toy that he likes especially well, but he has learned quickly that we will not keep his toys from him, so he has started playing little games of cat and mouse with us or puts his hands out (like, “where did it go?”)…and then giggles.  The sound of his laugh absolutely melts our hearts, and I’m quite certain that I would give him anything he wants just to hear it. We also introduced him to Baby Einstein while Don was getting some work done, and like most little ones, he was transfixed watching all of the scenes, toys, and colors.  What I didn’t think about before was that in addition to helping to build language, it will also likely be a huge help in showing Ben what children, adults, animals, food, and landscapes from other cultures look like.  Also in this sweet time, we heard the first echoes of “Papa” and “Mama” as he repeated after us and would say it clear as day while accepting whatever we were offering.

We decided to go to dinner just the three of us in the hotel lobby, and by the time we were seated, Ben was in a whole new element.  He was fully engaged and larger than life!  Unfortunately, we both forgot our cameras, but this actually gave us the opportunity to focus solely on the moment, rather than trying to capture it.  We played with cars as he giggled until he started throwing them across the table and laughing. Don and I looked at each other with raised eyebrows and a smile as we watched his walls crumbling and this feisty little 2-year old personality emerging.  It was the first time we had to tell him “no,” but he took it well and didn’t fuss.  At least today 😉  We got him a container of sugars/sweeteners and watched him take each one out and then carefully put each one back in.  If we tried to help him, he would hold our hands away as he completed his masterpiece.  His behavior was so similar to that of our other kids at this age, that we couldn’t help but find his independent and slightly naughty streak encouraging.  Ben ate well (pretty much everything we offered him from our Cantonese noodle and chicken curry dishes).  We are working on signs with him to help him communicate, and we were amazed at how quickly he has picked them up!  By the end of dinner, he was already signing “Food” (pointing to his mouth when he was hungry and “more” (putting his little fingers together) when he wanted us to give him another bite.  We were so sad we didn’t have our cameras to capture these moments, but we will be sure to get some tomorrow!

We headed up to the room for bath time and brushing teeth, which he hated just as much as the first day, but as soon as he was wrapped in a towel, he was content and obviously sleepy from a very full day.  We gave him his bottle and then lay him into bed, where he whimpered for just a couple minutes before falling asleep.  The amazing part here was that there was a difference in this whimper…it wasn’t one of fear or confusion, it was one of protest…he just wanted to be with us.  What an incredible day of huge victories and precious milestones!

While we left for China less than 72 hours ago, it seems like so much longer.  Today we crossed a number of important and encouraging milestones.  Ben was a champ and slept well and deeply through the night, and we slept well also, thanks to a little Ambien to help with the jet lag.  The day started off early, and we had to wake Ben from his sleep to meet our group for our civil affairs appointment.  This appointment is when the adoption is completely finalized in the eyes of the Chinese and US governments.  While the paperwork is largely a formality culminating two years’ worth of paperwork and agreements, the signing of the documents is the line in the sand where Ben legally and permanently becomes ours!

We had breakfast at the hotel and shared Ben’s first meal with us.  We experimented with a number of different foods, including rice, congee (a rice oatmeal), and canned fruits.  Ben is a great eater, but definitely lets us know what he does and doesn’t want.  Yes to the rice and fruit, no to the congee…got it.  Julie had picked up a piece of toast, and Ben reached for it.  He seemed more interested in holding it than eating it, but he became very attached to it and we were happy to let him have it as long as he wanted it.  He carried the toast around all morning until nap time and only relinquished it when he fell asleep.  He did the same thing the first day, carrying a cracker in his hand, never really eating it, but holding on as some measure of safety.

At 0800, we met with our guide and a Chinese banker at the hotel to exchange $6200 to Chinese RMB to pay the final adoption expenses.  It felt a little shady carrying the huge stack of Chinese cash in our backpack, but is, as we say, “all part of the adventure.”

The civil affair appointment went relatively smoothly.  We met with a government official and signed a ton of paperwork, all in Chinese.  We were interviewed and asked a number of questions including why we wanted to adopt Ben and then we were asked to make a promise never to abandon him.  Following the civil affairs’ appointment, we met with the notary to make the paperwork official.  Notaries in China are very prestigious, comparable to that of a state supreme court judge, and the notary fee was one of the largest ones we had to pay.

During the appointment, we were required to provide official notification of Ben’s full name.  Many of you may be familiar with the story of his first name.  As we considered name options, we were drawn to the idea of “Benjamin”as he would become our youngest son, just as Benjamin was the youngest of the 12 from Jacob and Rachel.  This name was sovereignly affirmed as we spoke with a missionary, Jean Marie, who had spent time at the orphanage and provided us details about  our little boy during the referral process.  Jean Marie had given several of the orphan boys American names to help distinguish them from one another, and she named “Ben” after her brother-in-law for his deep, kind eyes.  For Ben’s middle name, we were drawn to the story of Caleb in Numbers 14:24 where God says, “But because my servant Caleb has a different spirit and follows me whole-heartedly…”  It is our prayer that our youngest son would follow the Lord “whole-heartedly” and courageously alongside his older brother and fellow warrior, Joshua.

After the Civil Affairs appointment, we went back to the hotel for rest time.  This was our first opportunity to have meaningful, one-on-one playtime with Ben.  We soon discovered that Ben absolutely loves puzzles!  Ben organized each puzzle piece very neatly and had a natural inclination towards solving the problem.  We gave him some stacking cups, and before proceeding with stacking, he organized the cups neatly in rows and quickly figured out how to stack them in order with very little help/direction. This is a little man after his mother’s heart!  During this play time, we had some our first meaningful interactions, with moments of steady eye contact, a quick smile, and Ben reaching out for us to pick him up.  Afterwards,  he took a long nap, seeming to welcome the solitude and quietness of his crib.

After the encouraging progress in the afternoon, we made an afternoon trip to the police station where Ben took his passport photo and we paid passport fees.  Here, we received the “red book” which contains the official adoption decree and the “Hague Convention” statement acknowledging that the adoption was conducted in accordance with internationally agreed upon standards.  While waiting at the police station, Ben got down on the floor for the first time and wanted to play with the other children in the waiting area.  He seemed especially fond of Katie Joy, the little girl in our group being adopted by Mary Elizabeth, and she was more than happy to step into a “big sister” role, letting him know where he needed to look for photos.  Shortly thereafter, Ben suddenly became quite upset and seemingly overwhelmed.  We noted that his response was similar to his behavior on day 1 (perhaps in response to someone he saw and thought he recognized) and was not a physical need that we could meet, but a deeper emotional one of grieving all things past and likely confusion about what lies ahead.   It was heartbreaking not knowing how to express these things to him and feeling helpless to soothe him, but we just held him and rocked him until it passed.  It was a potent reminder that Ben’s journey to healing has a long road ahead, despite the encouraging progress thus far.

We returned to the hotel and enjoyed some more play time with Ben.  Aside from puzzles, he responded well to us reading children’s books to him and we continued to have visible progress towards bonding (longer eye contact and lots of focused engagement).  We met the rest of our provincial group in the hotel restaurant and enjoyed a meal and lots of laughter together.  We then took Ben through his first bath time and tooth brushing time with us.  He hated both and cried the whole time making us wonder what his bath time and oral hygiene habits were previously.  He went to sleep quickly and we followed along soon thereafter.

Overall, our first full day with Ben was a great success, with lots of positive progress and small victories that made us fall asleep with smiles on our faces.

Wow, how to even sum up the last 24 hours?!  As anticipated, yesterday was an emotional and challenging day, and it already seems like a distant memory.  We met the rest of our group in the lobby at 3:30 to load the bus for the civil affairs office.  On the way over, we got to know the other families in our group a little bit…Jen (mother of 4 boys, adopting 2 girls here in China) is currently living in Saudi Arabia, as her husband works for an oil company there, and she is accompanied by her mother-in-law Lynn (a retired Marine spouse).  Also in our group is Mary Elizabeth, from Tennessee, who has 2 other adopted children (from China and Korea) and is adopting an 11-year old girl on this trip.

We arrived at the civil affairs office, and there were people everywhere, all obviously going through the same adoptive process.  We were ushered into a small room, where our children were waiting with their nannies and the orphanage director.  We spotted Ben immediately in the arms of his favorite nanny, and he was clutching her tightly.  We knew this was going to be difficult for him, so we sat down and pulled out toys, trying to give him time to warm up to us…but he was obviously terrified and wanted nothing to do with candy or toys.  It occurred to me at that point that it was likely the first time he had ever seen anyone with blue eyes before, which I’m sure was not helping.  We were able to ask the nanny some questions about his schedule and talk to her about things he likes, and then the director gave us a bag with his vaccination records, paperwork, a little bag of soil from Shaanxi (his home district), and a baby book with photos of him from the time he arrived at the orphanage!  We were so touched and impressed…this orphanage obviously takes an active interest in these children and their welfare, and we are so thankful for the love and care he’s received there.  They even sent him with a pair of new baby shoes and a warm red coat.

There’s no sugar coating this next part…the 3 hours that followed were extremely painful.  Of all of the children in the room, Ben was the only one screaming and fighting…letting us all know exactly how he felt about this situation. And we couldn’t help but love him immediately!   We were surprised by how strong and alert he was and could tell right away that he’s sharp as a tack and has the spirit and determination of a true Haley kiddo! 😉  Once we got into the van, he calmed and sat contentedly in my lap, watching all the activity outside the window.  Our adoption guide, Anna, shared that Ben would have rarely been outside the orphanage, and his fascination with the city and traffic was readily apparent.  At this point, one of the ladies in our group (Jen) began to have severe pain and nausea, and we knew something was seriously wrong.  We contacted our flight doctor, Kristen, who essentially diagnosed her with kidney stones over the phone.  We took her back to the hotel, loaded her up with some antibiotics and anti-nausea medicine that Kristen had brilliantly sent with us, and proceeded to the nearest grocery store to get the essentials: namely, “Chinese” baby milk and bottled water.

The grocery store was 3 stories and MASSIVE.  It took us almost 2 hours to get our few items and get everyone back together again.  Ben enjoyed riding in the shopping cart but latched on to our tour guide Anna, who was the only Chinese person in our group and the only one who could speak Chinese to him.  So she stayed close and helped us pick out the kind of milk he’s used to, which is a flavored, super-sweet shelf-milk that looks a bit like Ensure.  No doubt it’s full of sugar, but we’re going to chalk this one up to “survival mode” and worry about transitioning him to a healthier alternative later.  We loaded up on enough to get us through the next week, but by this time, Ben was obviously hungry and exhausted.

We finally made it back to the hotel and to our room, where we were relieved to have some quiet time with Ben. He walked over and sat on a flat of water and just took it all in for a minute while I prepared his bottle.  He was very interested in eating and relaxed instantly in my lap while he ate.  Once he had a full tummy, we changed him and put him in his crib, where he played with the lovey lion that Maddie had sent for him, loving it and kissing it until he fell asleep.  We are so amazed by how brave he’s been in the midst of his world being completely turned upside down.  He’s such a special little boy, and we are already smitten.  We look forward to the next couple of weeks to get to know him and show him that he is loved and safe with us.

 

 

Yesterday, we kissed these sweet kiddos goodbye at 6AM and left them in the very capable hands of our parents to embark on a 2-week journey to China to bring their baby brother home!

We connected through Detroit and then Beijing, where we happened to meet a sweet family from Charlotte who are here in China to pick up their little girl.  We became fast friends and worked our way through the airport transfer process, getting more than a few stares with our massive luggage and empty strollers and carseats…

After 29 hours of travel, we arrived safely in Xi’an around 10PM, where we were picked up by our guide “Anna.”  After barely squeezing all of our western-style luggage and baby items into a small Asian sedan, we drove about an hour to our hotel and got some details on what the next couple days will hold.  Arriving in China felt strangely familiar and brought back many fond memories of our time living in Korea.  We were also reminded of many “Asianisms” that make us smile and will be sure to share some of these in the days ahead once we’re cognizant enough to take some photos =)

On the drive to the hotel, we got to hear a little of Anna’s story, which we both found interesting.  Anna has an older sister, and since she was born during China’s “one-child policy,” she was considered “illegal.”  Because her parents, both teachers, desperately wanted to keep her, they were forced to hide her with relatives at first.  When her father eventually acknowledged her to the government in order to get her proper care, his job was taken away from him for a year as punishment.  Today, families are permitted 2 children, but Anna says that families must be very “rich” to have children in China, since the costs and medical care associated are more than most Chinese families can handle. Her insights gave further clarity on why so many parents are left little choice but to abandon their babies at an orphanage.  Though we’ve read extensively about these policies in our adoption preparation, Anna’s story brought a personal perspective that really struck us.

Once we settled into the hotel, we enjoyed a late night dinner and toasted to our last night as a family of five, before crashing for a busy day ahead!

 

Today, we are adjusting at the hotel and trying to get ready for this afternoon, when we will get to meet Ben!  Adoptive parents are discouraged from going to the orphanage since it, understandably, causes a disruption for the other children, so Ben will be brought to us at an adoption “facility.”  This morning, we are brushing up on our Chinese phrases (mainly “hello,” “thank you,” and “I’m sorry,” which we find to be a good place to start when travelling internationally ;), finalizing Ben’s middle name, purchasing bottled water, and preparing our hotel room for our little one to join us this afternoon!  We validated that Facebook is indeed blocked on all of our devices here, so this will be the best way to keep everyone updated on our journey.  Please feel free to comment on our blog, I-message, or e-mail us while we’re away.  We can’t thank you all enough for your support, thoughts, and prayers to this point and ask for prayer as we prepare for what will likely be a very confusing day for Ben and an emotional and exhausting one for us.  We are so excited for all this day will hold and will keep you posted with more soon!