Month: November 2016

While we left for China less than 72 hours ago, it seems like so much longer.  Today we crossed a number of important and encouraging milestones.  Ben was a champ and slept well and deeply through the night, and we slept well also, thanks to a little Ambien to help with the jet lag.  The day started off early, and we had to wake Ben from his sleep to meet our group for our civil affairs appointment.  This appointment is when the adoption is completely finalized in the eyes of the Chinese and US governments.  While the paperwork is largely a formality culminating two years’ worth of paperwork and agreements, the signing of the documents is the line in the sand where Ben legally and permanently becomes ours!

We had breakfast at the hotel and shared Ben’s first meal with us.  We experimented with a number of different foods, including rice, congee (a rice oatmeal), and canned fruits.  Ben is a great eater, but definitely lets us know what he does and doesn’t want.  Yes to the rice and fruit, no to the congee…got it.  Julie had picked up a piece of toast, and Ben reached for it.  He seemed more interested in holding it than eating it, but he became very attached to it and we were happy to let him have it as long as he wanted it.  He carried the toast around all morning until nap time and only relinquished it when he fell asleep.  He did the same thing the first day, carrying a cracker in his hand, never really eating it, but holding on as some measure of safety.

At 0800, we met with our guide and a Chinese banker at the hotel to exchange $6200 to Chinese RMB to pay the final adoption expenses.  It felt a little shady carrying the huge stack of Chinese cash in our backpack, but is, as we say, “all part of the adventure.”

The civil affair appointment went relatively smoothly.  We met with a government official and signed a ton of paperwork, all in Chinese.  We were interviewed and asked a number of questions including why we wanted to adopt Ben and then we were asked to make a promise never to abandon him.  Following the civil affairs’ appointment, we met with the notary to make the paperwork official.  Notaries in China are very prestigious, comparable to that of a state supreme court judge, and the notary fee was one of the largest ones we had to pay.

During the appointment, we were required to provide official notification of Ben’s full name.  Many of you may be familiar with the story of his first name.  As we considered name options, we were drawn to the idea of “Benjamin”as he would become our youngest son, just as Benjamin was the youngest of the 12 from Jacob and Rachel.  This name was sovereignly affirmed as we spoke with a missionary, Jean Marie, who had spent time at the orphanage and provided us details about  our little boy during the referral process.  Jean Marie had given several of the orphan boys American names to help distinguish them from one another, and she named “Ben” after her brother-in-law for his deep, kind eyes.  For Ben’s middle name, we were drawn to the story of Caleb in Numbers 14:24 where God says, “But because my servant Caleb has a different spirit and follows me whole-heartedly…”  It is our prayer that our youngest son would follow the Lord “whole-heartedly” and courageously alongside his older brother and fellow warrior, Joshua.

After the Civil Affairs appointment, we went back to the hotel for rest time.  This was our first opportunity to have meaningful, one-on-one playtime with Ben.  We soon discovered that Ben absolutely loves puzzles!  Ben organized each puzzle piece very neatly and had a natural inclination towards solving the problem.  We gave him some stacking cups, and before proceeding with stacking, he organized the cups neatly in rows and quickly figured out how to stack them in order with very little help/direction. This is a little man after his mother’s heart!  During this play time, we had some our first meaningful interactions, with moments of steady eye contact, a quick smile, and Ben reaching out for us to pick him up.  Afterwards,  he took a long nap, seeming to welcome the solitude and quietness of his crib.

After the encouraging progress in the afternoon, we made an afternoon trip to the police station where Ben took his passport photo and we paid passport fees.  Here, we received the “red book” which contains the official adoption decree and the “Hague Convention” statement acknowledging that the adoption was conducted in accordance with internationally agreed upon standards.  While waiting at the police station, Ben got down on the floor for the first time and wanted to play with the other children in the waiting area.  He seemed especially fond of Katie Joy, the little girl in our group being adopted by Mary Elizabeth, and she was more than happy to step into a “big sister” role, letting him know where he needed to look for photos.  Shortly thereafter, Ben suddenly became quite upset and seemingly overwhelmed.  We noted that his response was similar to his behavior on day 1 (perhaps in response to someone he saw and thought he recognized) and was not a physical need that we could meet, but a deeper emotional one of grieving all things past and likely confusion about what lies ahead.   It was heartbreaking not knowing how to express these things to him and feeling helpless to soothe him, but we just held him and rocked him until it passed.  It was a potent reminder that Ben’s journey to healing has a long road ahead, despite the encouraging progress thus far.

We returned to the hotel and enjoyed some more play time with Ben.  Aside from puzzles, he responded well to us reading children’s books to him and we continued to have visible progress towards bonding (longer eye contact and lots of focused engagement).  We met the rest of our provincial group in the hotel restaurant and enjoyed a meal and lots of laughter together.  We then took Ben through his first bath time and tooth brushing time with us.  He hated both and cried the whole time making us wonder what his bath time and oral hygiene habits were previously.  He went to sleep quickly and we followed along soon thereafter.

Overall, our first full day with Ben was a great success, with lots of positive progress and small victories that made us fall asleep with smiles on our faces.

Wow, how to even sum up the last 24 hours?!  As anticipated, yesterday was an emotional and challenging day, and it already seems like a distant memory.  We met the rest of our group in the lobby at 3:30 to load the bus for the civil affairs office.  On the way over, we got to know the other families in our group a little bit…Jen (mother of 4 boys, adopting 2 girls here in China) is currently living in Saudi Arabia, as her husband works for an oil company there, and she is accompanied by her mother-in-law Lynn (a retired Marine spouse).  Also in our group is Mary Elizabeth, from Tennessee, who has 2 other adopted children (from China and Korea) and is adopting an 11-year old girl on this trip.

We arrived at the civil affairs office, and there were people everywhere, all obviously going through the same adoptive process.  We were ushered into a small room, where our children were waiting with their nannies and the orphanage director.  We spotted Ben immediately in the arms of his favorite nanny, and he was clutching her tightly.  We knew this was going to be difficult for him, so we sat down and pulled out toys, trying to give him time to warm up to us…but he was obviously terrified and wanted nothing to do with candy or toys.  It occurred to me at that point that it was likely the first time he had ever seen anyone with blue eyes before, which I’m sure was not helping.  We were able to ask the nanny some questions about his schedule and talk to her about things he likes, and then the director gave us a bag with his vaccination records, paperwork, a little bag of soil from Shaanxi (his home district), and a baby book with photos of him from the time he arrived at the orphanage!  We were so touched and impressed…this orphanage obviously takes an active interest in these children and their welfare, and we are so thankful for the love and care he’s received there.  They even sent him with a pair of new baby shoes and a warm red coat.

There’s no sugar coating this next part…the 3 hours that followed were extremely painful.  Of all of the children in the room, Ben was the only one screaming and fighting…letting us all know exactly how he felt about this situation. And we couldn’t help but love him immediately!   We were surprised by how strong and alert he was and could tell right away that he’s sharp as a tack and has the spirit and determination of a true Haley kiddo! 😉  Once we got into the van, he calmed and sat contentedly in my lap, watching all the activity outside the window.  Our adoption guide, Anna, shared that Ben would have rarely been outside the orphanage, and his fascination with the city and traffic was readily apparent.  At this point, one of the ladies in our group (Jen) began to have severe pain and nausea, and we knew something was seriously wrong.  We contacted our flight doctor, Kristen, who essentially diagnosed her with kidney stones over the phone.  We took her back to the hotel, loaded her up with some antibiotics and anti-nausea medicine that Kristen had brilliantly sent with us, and proceeded to the nearest grocery store to get the essentials: namely, “Chinese” baby milk and bottled water.

The grocery store was 3 stories and MASSIVE.  It took us almost 2 hours to get our few items and get everyone back together again.  Ben enjoyed riding in the shopping cart but latched on to our tour guide Anna, who was the only Chinese person in our group and the only one who could speak Chinese to him.  So she stayed close and helped us pick out the kind of milk he’s used to, which is a flavored, super-sweet shelf-milk that looks a bit like Ensure.  No doubt it’s full of sugar, but we’re going to chalk this one up to “survival mode” and worry about transitioning him to a healthier alternative later.  We loaded up on enough to get us through the next week, but by this time, Ben was obviously hungry and exhausted.

We finally made it back to the hotel and to our room, where we were relieved to have some quiet time with Ben. He walked over and sat on a flat of water and just took it all in for a minute while I prepared his bottle.  He was very interested in eating and relaxed instantly in my lap while he ate.  Once he had a full tummy, we changed him and put him in his crib, where he played with the lovey lion that Maddie had sent for him, loving it and kissing it until he fell asleep.  We are so amazed by how brave he’s been in the midst of his world being completely turned upside down.  He’s such a special little boy, and we are already smitten.  We look forward to the next couple of weeks to get to know him and show him that he is loved and safe with us.

 

 

Yesterday, we kissed these sweet kiddos goodbye at 6AM and left them in the very capable hands of our parents to embark on a 2-week journey to China to bring their baby brother home!

We connected through Detroit and then Beijing, where we happened to meet a sweet family from Charlotte who are here in China to pick up their little girl.  We became fast friends and worked our way through the airport transfer process, getting more than a few stares with our massive luggage and empty strollers and carseats…

After 29 hours of travel, we arrived safely in Xi’an around 10PM, where we were picked up by our guide “Anna.”  After barely squeezing all of our western-style luggage and baby items into a small Asian sedan, we drove about an hour to our hotel and got some details on what the next couple days will hold.  Arriving in China felt strangely familiar and brought back many fond memories of our time living in Korea.  We were also reminded of many “Asianisms” that make us smile and will be sure to share some of these in the days ahead once we’re cognizant enough to take some photos =)

On the drive to the hotel, we got to hear a little of Anna’s story, which we both found interesting.  Anna has an older sister, and since she was born during China’s “one-child policy,” she was considered “illegal.”  Because her parents, both teachers, desperately wanted to keep her, they were forced to hide her with relatives at first.  When her father eventually acknowledged her to the government in order to get her proper care, his job was taken away from him for a year as punishment.  Today, families are permitted 2 children, but Anna says that families must be very “rich” to have children in China, since the costs and medical care associated are more than most Chinese families can handle. Her insights gave further clarity on why so many parents are left little choice but to abandon their babies at an orphanage.  Though we’ve read extensively about these policies in our adoption preparation, Anna’s story brought a personal perspective that really struck us.

Once we settled into the hotel, we enjoyed a late night dinner and toasted to our last night as a family of five, before crashing for a busy day ahead!

 

Today, we are adjusting at the hotel and trying to get ready for this afternoon, when we will get to meet Ben!  Adoptive parents are discouraged from going to the orphanage since it, understandably, causes a disruption for the other children, so Ben will be brought to us at an adoption “facility.”  This morning, we are brushing up on our Chinese phrases (mainly “hello,” “thank you,” and “I’m sorry,” which we find to be a good place to start when travelling internationally ;), finalizing Ben’s middle name, purchasing bottled water, and preparing our hotel room for our little one to join us this afternoon!  We validated that Facebook is indeed blocked on all of our devices here, so this will be the best way to keep everyone updated on our journey.  Please feel free to comment on our blog, I-message, or e-mail us while we’re away.  We can’t thank you all enough for your support, thoughts, and prayers to this point and ask for prayer as we prepare for what will likely be a very confusing day for Ben and an emotional and exhausting one for us.  We are so excited for all this day will hold and will keep you posted with more soon!